I’ve gained too much weight. I need to eat less.
I hate my love handles.
My stretch marks are so ugly.
My eye bags are so noticeable.
I‘m so ugly. I look disgusting.
I hate my body.
These thoughts used to consume me every single day. As I looked in the mirror, I pointed out every single flaw about my body. From my stomach, to my legs, to my arms, to my butt, to my chest, you name it. As days, weeks, and months passed, I grew more and more self-conscious. I didn’t understand why my body looked like that. My family and friends weren’t aware of the thoughts I was having. They were also sure as hell not aware of how much destruction I was doing to my body in order to obtain the “perfect“ body. I made sure they didn’t know though, and I’m not saying it was their fault because, in reality, I was afraid of the reality I would have to face afterwards.
I didn’t think anyone would understand what I was going through. I wasn’t aware that much like myself, many other girls and boys felt the same way. Many knew and felt exactly what I was going through, and matter of fact, I really wasn’t all that alone. Other girls strived to get rid of their love handles and obtain a bigger butt. Other boys struggled to get rid of their pimples and obtain perfect washboard abs. As we all slowly started to criticize our bodies, we also began to form self-destructive habits.
As time slowly passed, I came across several realizations that I think every person needs to know.
Do Not Sacrifice Your Mental Health In Order to Have the “Perfect” Body
It took me a really long time to finally across this realization. I didn't realize that my mental health was slowly deteriorating because I wasted all of my energy on hating my body. The amount of time and effort I took on hating my body and trying to perfect it was absolutely draining. My mind was filled with these negative, self-loathing thoughts, and I truly did not understand how to escape them.
Body image & self esteem. Body image and self esteem does not stem from looking in the mirror. Both of those things are initiated in the mind and brain. How you see your body determines how you feel about your value and worth as a human being.
Body image is both a mental and emotional concept. The concept of body image is how you mentally and physically see your body. Mentally, you have one image of your body in your mind. Physically, there is an image you see of your body in the mirror. Emotionally, you have these thoughts and feelings about your body that can affect how you see and treat yourself as a whole.
A healthy body image simply does not mean tolerating your body and what you look like. A healthy body image goes way beyond that. A healthy body image means truly accepting your body and its flaws. It is about understanding that no one’s body is perfect, but there is also not a definition to perfect because everyone‘s definition is different.
Who you are as a person goes way beyond the physical features. Accepting yourselves means looking beyond your body and looking deeper into your strengths, qualities, and character.
As I said before, self esteem and body image go hand-in-hand. Self esteem is how you value and treat yourself as a human being. Self esteem goes beyond your body. It is about looking and respecting yourself as a whole.
Good self esteem means caring for and respecting yourself. You acknowledge that although there are qualities and characteristics that you don’t like about yourself, you also have amazing strength and qualities that shape you into the person you are, and you celebrate those strengths. Good self esteem also means being able to continuously push forward and lifting yourself up even when times are tough. It means being able to thank yourself for going through difficult situations and unexplainable feelings.
I cannot stress this enough...do not sacrifice your mental health in order to achieve the “perfect” body. Do not let yourself go through that turmoil. You are beyond that.
You simply cannot hate yourself into a version you can love. You simply just can’t do that. You have to slowly yet truly and fully accept your body. Accepting your body means also acknowledging how your characteristics and personality traits shape you as a person, not your body.
Society Does Not Define Your Beauty
Growing up, I started to understand that we have all become victims at the hands of societal beauty standards. We have been brainwashed by society into thinking that if you don’t have these specific measurements or “ideal” body types, you aren’t pretty or good enough.
If you have scars, stretch marks, or blemishes, you are then considered not beautiful enough by society. You don’t reach the standards.
We are conditioned to think that physical perfection, glamour, and beauty=prosperous, contentment, and love. That isn’t true though. That is far from the truth.
Over the past few years, social media has become such a big influence in how young girls and boys see their body. Celebrities and models with only one certain body type is praised by the media, while others are shamed and not included . Hateful body shaming comments are especially very hurtful and has a huge impact on the audience seeing these comments. People are shamed and hated on for being too thin or too fat, too short or too fall, and too pale or too dark. Why? Who gave the media the right to shame us for things we cannot change? Who gave them the right to judge us for the body we are born in?
On the bright side, social media has come a very long way in representing people with different body types throughout the years. Body positive influencers have especially become more known. Models like Ashley Graham and Winnie Harlow have represented people who didn’t think that they would ever see their type of body in the media. Brands like Aerie and American Eagle have models who represent all different types of bodies. Although we still have a very long way to go, there has been a lot of improvement in body positivity and body acceptance in social media now more than ever.
We are held to such high standards without understanding that everyone’s body is different, and one singular body type cannot be considered ideal when there’s millions of different humans and millions of different bodies.
Media, beauty, and fashion industries hold the highest beauty standards ever, and you cannot beat yourself up for not meeting these UNREALISTIC requirements.
You are more than your body.
You are more than hateful words through a screen.
You are so much more than looks.
You are so much more than your body.
Recognize and challenge the stereotypes the media puts out.
All Bodies Are Good Bodies
Everyone’s definition of beautiful is different. But when your definition of beautiful doesn’t match up to your body, doesn’t it make more sense to change a few words rather than change your whole entire physical appearance?
All types of bodies should be celebrated regardless of age, skin color, weight, etc.
Dark bodies should be celebrated.
Pale bodies should be celebrated.
Old, wrinkly bodies should be celebrated.
Thin bodies should be celebrated.
Fat bodies should be celebrated.
Disabled bodies should be celebrated.
All types of bodies should be celebrated because they are all good bodies, and you don’t owe anyone the satisfication of having to change your body in order to fit their definition of sexy and beautiful.
All bodies are good bodies, and I will repeat and emphasize that phrase until it’s backwards.
No Weight Limit On Beauty
One thing I’ve noticed is how negatively people react to the word “fat”. Why? In reality, there does not need to be a negative connotation to the word “fat”. Just because you’re fat does not mean you aren’t beautiful. It should just be a simple word to describe your appearance, not a word that is shameful and makes someone feel like they are less of a person. It is merely a word, nothing more and nothing less.
Weight can play a very big role regarding body image and self esteem. The main goal is to be way below a weight that is recommend for you, but many fail to realize that your weight does not define you whatsoever. Your weight is merely just numbers. Muscle and fat play a very big role in what your weight is, and that is distributed differently throughout everyone’s body. Do not try to unhealthily lose or gain weight in order to feel good about yourself. Your body is beautiful and beyond good enough, regardless of whatever your weight is.
Want to eat that chocolate bar? Do it.
Want to eat that cake? Do it.
Want to eat that candy? Do it.
Eat whatever food you want to eat. Don’t be afraid of eating food or candy because you’re afraid of gaining weight. Don‘t put your life on pause due to one “unhealthy” food or snack! Be unapologetically yourself and eat whatever the hell you want because it‘s the one and only life you have! No matter what, eat for yourself and not for those who deter and discourage you.
Whether you are skinny or fat, curvy or not curvy, you are a human being. You are a person. If you are stripped of your skin, you’re made of bones, a skeleton, just like everyone else. On the inside, not personality wise but bones and blood wise, we are all same. If we were presented to each other as just blood and bones, the personality you posses and the morals & values you maintain make you YOU!
There will never be a weight limit on beauty. Beauty goes way beyond the inches around your waist, thighs, chest, arms, etc. Personally, my own definition of beauty is the morals, values, characteristics, and personality you obtain.
Where I Am Today
Now, I’m 17. Today, I still struggle with my body, but I have come so much farther than I ever thought I would have.
I used to be afraid of having to face the reality of why I had those thoughts about my body and how I could become healthier mentally and physically. In all honestly, I’m glad I was forced to face that reality because I‘m not sure where my body and I would be today without it.
Although there are times when I do feel insecure here and there, I remind myself that I am more than my body. My friends especially have helped me overcome the struggles I had in accepting my body, and I am still on the journey to fully accepting my body.
To anyone who has read this post, I want you to write a love letter to your body. Yes, you heard me right, a love letter. Talk about how far you've come in loving and accepting your body. Talk about the little unique things that make your body yours. Talk about what you guys have been through, including the worst and best moments. Thank your body. A love letter to yourself might seem pointless, but it might be a lot more meaningful than you think.
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